The Hidden Symptoms of Grief

When people hear the word “grief,” they usually associate it with a feeling of sadness or perhaps even depression. But there are many other- sometimes hidden, sometimes very unexpected- symptoms of grief.

Grief doesn’t always look or feel the same for everyone, and there are many different ways it can manifest. For example, someone who had never experienced loneliness before might react very strongly after losing a loved one because they suddenly realize how much they will miss that person now that they are gone from their life. On the other hand, someone who was extremely social might find themselves withdrawing from others when their support network is suddenly ripped apart leading them to isolate themselves from others in order to cope with their loss.

Here are a few to watch out for if you or someone you love has recently suffered a loss.

Difficulty concentrating

Many people experiencing grief report feeling a bit “fuzzy-brained” at times. You might find yourself forgetting things that you used to easily be able to remember, or find yourself getting lost during the course of normal conversations.

Feeling numb and disconnected

Sometimes the feelings of grief become a bit too much to bear, so some people find themselves emotionally disconnecting from everything that is going on around them. The feelings of intense sadness can turn into feelings of numbness, coldness, and an almost daydream-like disassociation.

Restlessness and “not knowing what to do with yourself”

While some people feel very "stuck” while experiencing grief, other people desire to start moving forward in their life, but don’t really know how. Perhaps they feel like it would be disrespectful to their passed loved one to start moving on, or perhaps you were part of a team for so long that making your own decisions feels scary and confusing.

Feeling isolated

Feelings of loneliness and isolation can arise as well because everyone else seems to be interacting with others in everyday life while you are still feeling isolated from those around you. Even if you have a support network, it can be easy to feel like no one else really understands what you are going through, and so could never fully understand how you are feeling.

Sleep disturbances or insomnia

Sleep disturbances or insomnia are one of the most common symptoms of grief, especially for those experiencing this loss for the first time. If your loved one is struggling with sleep, it might be because they are having trouble accepting what has happened to them and don’t know where to turn for help. It can also be caused by some of the physical effects of grief like increased blood pressure, which causes increased stress on our bodies and makes it difficult to sleep.

Feeling overwhelmed or trapped by the situation

This can come in many forms – whether it’s a feeling like there is no way out, fear that you will never be happy again, or an overwhelming sense that everything has changed just because something has ended. The loss can suddenly feel like too much to bear and cause a person to withdraw from their normal routine, friends, or family.

Irritability, anger, and intense, exaggerated emotions

When someone spends so much of their energy trying to just feel “normal” again after a loss, they can quickly start to feel burnt out and exhausted. This can lead to mood swings and trouble keeping emotions in balance.

Feelings of guilt

It can be easy to slip deep into feelings of guilt or even shame as part of the grief process. Perhaps you feel like you could or should have done more for your loved one who passed. Perhaps it is regret over things that were said or left unsaid. Perhaps it was never getting to resolve some important issues between the two of you.

Physical aches and pains

Headaches, muscle soreness, feelings of tension, difficulty breathing, and more can all be physical symptoms associated with grief.

Who am I?

Individuals who spent many years in a close relationship with their lost one may have a bit of an “identity crisis.” They may not know how to think, feel, or act. They may have spent years thinking about what was best for the other person, while never stopping to think about their own needs or desires. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear of being selfish, or not knowing what to do with their life.

Feeling Relief

This is one of the most unexpected feelings associated with losing a loved one, and can instantly make you feel guilty or like there is something wrong with you. However, it is perfectly normal to feel relief in one way or another after a loved one has passed. Perhaps much of their care was your responsibility, or you watched them suffer without being able to help. Feeling relief doesn’t make you a bad person, and it definitely doesn’t mean you didn’t love the person you lost.

Remember, grief doesn’t always have a set timeline. The length of time that it takes for someone to recover from their grief will vary for each individual because everyone has different coping skills and support systems. It may take you weeks, months, or even years to feel “normal” again but it’s also important to remember that there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. Even if you experience intense feelings of sadness one day, many people also experience periods of happiness or relief in between these overwhelming waves of emotions. Grief can be overwhelming, but it is necessary and part of the healing process.

Grief does not go away on its own; it must be worked through by the bereaved person in order to move on from their loss. Suppressing it only makes it disappear for a little while.

It's important to speak openly with family or friends about how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. You might not want others to know that you’re struggling with their loss, or you may feel like it is your job to be strong for everyone around you.

If you need help and support dealing with grief, please consider attending our free Grief Support Groups. Meetings are held twice a month in the Coastal Community Room. For the most current schedule, directions, and other information, please click here to visit the Grief Support Groups page on our site.