Supporting a Parent Through Cancer and Home Hospice Care
Witnessing your parent struggle against cancer and enter hospice care is one of life's most heartbreaking experiences. Serving as their caregiver presents unique emotional challenges as you navigate the day-to-day tasks of meeting their needs while balancing your own emotional experiences. However many family caregivers find immense joy and satisfaction in being able to provide their parents with comfort when needed most.
Hospice services for cancer patients who remain in their own homes seek to ease suffering and enhance quality of life during the final months. You are an integral link between your parent and their hospice team - you have an incredible opportunity to ensure they experience comfort, dignity, and precious remaining moments of familiarity and love in these final days of life.
Here are a few ways you can provide support and care for a parent with terminal cancer who is living at home:
Accept Hospice Support Services
You do not have to go it alone! One of the primary advantages of hospice care is the comprehensive support provided in the home setting by multiple providers. Lean on the hospice team of nurses, phycial therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, social workers, spiritual care coordinators, and volunteers for assistance. Nurses will provide expert medical oversight as well as personal care and education so you can focus on being an adult child to your parent. Therapists of various kinds can help your parent with mobility, swallowing correctly, recovering from falls, and more. Social workers will explain what you should expect while offering counseling, and volunteers offer friendly company and respite. You can also hire aides to assist with bathing, grooming, and other personal tasks, if desired.
Create a Calm Environment
Maximize rest and peace by eliminating stressors and disruptive stimuli at home. Keep things calm, maintain routines, eliminate clutter, play soothing music, use soft lighting, and prioritize comfort above all else - their bedroom should feel like an inviting sanctuary. Keeping a calm environment can also help you cope. Enjoy the serenity that you are creating in their space, and use it to give yourself a little self-care when you can.
Prioritize Comfort over Treatment
Hospice care involves moving away from aggressive treatments that could potentially prolong suffering, instead focusing on physical comfort above all else. Your focus now should be on managing pain, anxiety, and other symptoms to make sure your parent feels as good as possible, rather than searching for new cures. This takes pressure off of everyone - healthcare providers, your parent, and even you. Gracefully embracing the natural circle of life rather than fighting it off at all costs can create unique opportunities for a deeper connection with your parent and even a chance to reflect on your own life and make necessary adjustments.
Be Present and Engaged
Never underestimate the calming power of being with your parent. Read to them, hold their hand, reminisce over old photos, or simply sit peacefully nearby. Speak soothingly, make eye contact, reassure them that you are present, and make eye contact. Knowing that they are cared for under these circumstances means the absolute world to your parent. You are giving them an extremely valuable gift.
Consider trying to preserve as many memories of the two of you as you can. Capture videos or voice recordings to cherish this time together for years to come. Write down their favorite stories, memories of cherished objects, and quirky sayings. Each moment shared together has profound significance.
Care for Caregivers (including yourself!)
Anticipatory grief combined with the physical and emotional demands of caregiving can have devastating effects on one's well-being. Don't try to do everything on your own - ask other family members and hospice volunteers for assistance, take breaks, practice self-care practices like resting or spending time outdoors, talk through any overwhelming emotions with social workers or therapists, and set boundaries if needed.
Remember, it is normal to feel a wide variety of emotions during this time. Don’t judge yourself, and try to take care of yourself as good as you possibly can.
Be Flexible
Cancer and hospice journeys rarely follow a direct, linear course. Your parent could go from days filled with semi-alertness and full appetite to ones where they drift in and out of consciousness without warning. As plans shift unexpectedly, communicate daily with hospice nurses about any changes that may arise with their changing condition and adapt routines and care strategies accordingly. Cherish each lucid yet fleeting moment together.
Respect Your Parent’s Process
Hospice social workers can guide you in having important discussions if your parent is still capable of discussing final wishes, lasting memories, or saying their last goodbyes. Review any advance directives so that their wishes can be upheld; such conversations often become treasured final gifts to each other. Some patients have very specific directives about how they would like to see their final days go, how they would like their funeral to be, or how they would like their possessions to be handled. Do your best to respect and honor as many of these as possible.
Supporting a parent through terminal cancer at home is both emotionally taxing and personally fulfilling. You are their protector, comforter, and advocate during this delicate time. By welcoming hospice services into their home and surrounding them with love you ensure they experience their last days with quality, dignity, and contentment - a gift that will be cherished for the rest of their days.