Moving Your Parent to a Hospice Closer to Your Home

It is very common nowadays for families to live far apart from each other in cities spread throughout the country. What do you do if you learn that your parent needs to start receiving hospice care, but they live far away and you can’t move?

It can be a tough balancing act between where your parent wants to live, where you are able to live, and how much care they want and need to receive. It also depends on if your parent has a partner or if they live alone, if that partner is capable of providing care for them, and, of course, how the partner may feel about moving.

For some people, living, and, eventually, dying in the place where they have planted their roots is very important. Especially if they have lived there for a long time, they likely have a collection of close friends, they are surrounded by the memories they have built over the years, and everything is familiar to them.

Asking them to move somewhere far away can feel overwhelming, and, for some people, may even feel something like giving up. The last thing you want is to make someone you love be put in a situation that makes them feel sad and disconnected.

Here are a few things to think about as you are making this difficult decision.

1) What does your parent actually want?

Do they have strong feelings one way or the other about moving? Do you feel like you’ve dug deep enough to actually understand why they have those feelings? Sometimes we are afraid to explain our real reasons for wanting something, or perhaps we don’t even fully understand the subconscious desires we have. Are there any things your loved on is afraid will happen if they do decide to move to be near you? Are those things realistic? Is there anything you can do to help make those things less scary for them?

2) Do they fully understand what “getting what they want” looks like?

If they are insistent on staying where they are, do they understand that you may only have limited opportunities to visit them? Do they understand that you may not be able to help as well, especially in an emergency situation?

3) What would they gain if they chose to move close to you?

Life is a series of weighing options against each other and making the best decisions you can. So what are the good things that they would gain by being closer to you? How much more time would you be able to devote to spending with them? Are there grandchildren or even great-grandchildren that they would have more frequent visits with? Would they be living with you, or is there a nearby hospice facility where they would live? In what other ways would their life improve by being near you?

4) Have you remembered to mention the most important reason why you want them to move?

It is easy to resort to logical arguments if you are trying to convince someone to consider your side, but really, the ultimate reason you want your parent to live closer during their last days is because you love them. They may still decide that they want to stay where they are, but bringing the focus back to love and family is always the best place to begin and end conversations like this.