When someone close to you is grieving, it can sometimes be difficult to know what to do to help. Do you say something to try to make them feel better? Would saying something just make them feel worse? What actions could you take that would help them? 

Here are a few ideas:

1. It is ok to reach out and tell them you want to help but don’t know how. Often, we feel like we have to be able to actually fix the problem for our loved one in order for our call to be “worth it” to them, but that is simply not true. Grief isn’t something to be solved, but rather, it is something that you live through. Your loved one’s grief will likely never fully disappear- it just becomes something that they learn to live their life around as it fades into a scar. So call, email, or visit your friend or loved one, and ask them what they need.

2. Think about the small, everyday things. When someone is deep in grief, many times the normal, everyday “living” activities are the things they struggle with the most. They might not feel like cooking, or eating, or taking a shower, or leaving the house. Maybe you bring them a lunch kit that will provide them with meals for a few days. Maybe you bring them a cup of coffee every morning. Maybe you invite them to drive down to the beach to watch the sunset with you every few days. Even the smallest of gestures can mean the world to someone.

3. Make it a habit. Your life may be progressing forward, but for a person who is actively grieving, sometimes time feels stuck. Be sure to reach out to your friend or family member on a regular basis. Write a note on your calendar or program an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to contact them. Not only will this help you to support your loved one over the long-term, but it will also give them something to start to look forward to.

4. Create a support network. Reach out to your grieving loved ones’ other friends and family members. Some of them may not even know how your loved one is feeling, but will likely want to help as soon as they find out. Get commitments from them that they will reach out or do something for your loved one once a week or once a month. Creating a group text will help make it efficient to remind them and will also empower them to keep up the group’s momentum without you having to always lead the charge. Having multiple people to help will take the entirety of the burden off of your shoulders, and being surrounded by a group of loved ones will likely encourage your loved one and help them feel cared about and noticed.

5. Be sensitive. While the above ideas are really good for helping someone who appreciates the support, sometimes your loved one genuinely wants to grieve privately for a time. Sometimes there is a fine line between helping to make someone feel better and pushing them into moving at a pace that they just aren’t comfortable with yet, and you may not know exactly where that line is until you cross it. Be ready and willing to apologize, change tactics, and, most importantly, listen to what your loved one says that they want at any given moment in time. Deep down, you’ll be able to feel when it’s ok to push a little and when it is best to give them some space.

6. Finally, you could offer to go with them to a grief support group. Coastal Home Health & Hospice has a grief group that meets twice a month that is free for anyone to attend. For more information, visit our Grief Support Group page by clicking here.